I wrote a poem(in Italian) few years ago.. when I still wanted to write, when I still had inspiration, when everything still seemed more bearable, a poem that poeticized more or less like this..
"the years run.. the seasons fly. . abysses of solitude that hovers between space of dimensions"
When I still interacted on Facebook (which I hated as much then as I do now)..
no one, despite praising my poetry, asked for an explanation of that very poetic passage, mistakenly thinking that I wrote poetic passages made up in the air just to make them rhyme... and perhaps I would have thought the same thing, finding myself in the same mental position as them. I believe the time has come to explain those poetic passages only because what I experienced in the space of dimensions is confirmed in the Holy Quran.
My life is rapidly flowing towards its final destination, (illness).. and I don't think it's right to keep these experiences to myself alone, even if it's extremely difficult for me to open up, so I will try to stifle that shyness in recounting the extraordinary events that have characterized my extraordinary life of abysmal solitude.
I was born in the last century on November 6th in the city of Como (Italy) but I spent my childhood in Milan in a boarding school run by nuns (the Giulio Salvadori Institute) and that's where it all began... when I entered I was 4 years old and I left when 9, but it's from there that my loneliness took an extraordinary turn.
I will focus on going back in time although I would like to be able to forget at least 3/4 of my past life.
(to be continued InshAllah)
The boarding school
I will never forget that day of a week and season that I absolutely don't remember, I was too young to know the value of time, it must have been late in the morning when, hand in hand with my mother, we walked along the sidewalk that led to the gate that at the time was different from the photo, still green but it was a mass of iron where you could not see what was beyond, I didn't know that a new life of mine was about to begin and my mother would say to me as we walked... let's see what it's like... if you like it... in the meantime she knew full well that she would leave me there and indeed from that day on I remained there for several years.
As a child I was quite introverted and couldn't make friends with other girls., I don't know maybe this strange aura that surrounded me the fact is that I was always alone and I remained alone even on Sundays when relatives visited, no one came to visit me and in the silence of my solitude a voice began to make itself heard.
It was the voice of a "man" with a calm but firm tone, a voice that only I could hear, he never cuddled me with stories before bed or comforted me in sad and lonely moments, no, he made himself heard when my behavior wasn't the best., once I had a big fight with another little girl (I don't remember the reason) so much so that when I fell my hand hit the buckle of this little girl's shoe and I cut my palm near the thumb (I still have the scar), a cry... shortly after he intervened and instead of comforting me he scolded me telling me that "you shouldn't argue fighting" ., calm but firm.
The schools were inside the institute but in the boys' section, I was in third grade when one day sitting in class I decided that I didn't want to be in class and so I told the teacher nun that I felt sick and I was making a scene all moping and the nun took pity on me and told me to go back to the girls' boarding school to nun Marcella who was our guardian, happy I went out and walked, when I arrived I entered the classroom where nun Marcella was busy reading saying that I was sick and bla bla... she made me sit in a desk in the classroom to rest... after a while he came and said to me... "you don't tell lies Cinzia... go and say that you told a lie that you're fine but you didn't want to be in class..." I didn't want to but the impulse was so strong that it was as if I had been picked up and brought before my responsibility, and so I did.
He taught me not to be afraid of the dark., at night when everyone was sleeping in the dormitory, he took me around to observe the darkness.. and it was him who one day suddenly came while I was playing in the courtyard.
This is the first of the extraordinary experiences I have had without taking into account that having him next to me, being able to hear him speak, being able to feel his presence and strength at such a young age is in itself an extraordinary event., he said to me, "come Cinzia, I have to show you something you will remember for the rest of your life"., and it was as if an arm was gently pushing me, as if it were accompanying me where he wanted to go.
In the photo on the left, you can see a small church where catholic mass was held every Sunday (inside the boarding school). It was longer than it was wide and had a main entrance and a rather small secondary one with a door decorated with colored glass, and that's exactly where he took me, he was behind me and once I opened the door he told me... "sit down and close your eyes" ., I sat on the bench near the door and as a natural child's gesture I put my hands over my eyes.. a few seconds later he told me... "open them".. and once they opened my heart was beating a thousand thousand thousand.. there was nothing left of the church it was all white only white walls with something like X hanging on them.. everything was like this.. in a luminous white.. he didn't speak but I felt he was close to me but he didn't say a word.. after a few seconds of this vision I got up and ran away leaving the door open, he didn't follow me.
When I left the boarding school he didn't come with me, he never told me his name, who he was and why he stayed by my side the whole time at boarding school but maybe I was too young to ask questions, too young to understand.
(to be continued InshAllah)
mysterious homeless man
This episode has nothing extraordinary in reference to the space between dimensions (at least I think so)., I like to remember it anyway if not only to understand what kind of personality I had as a young girl, as already written I was rather introverted and solitary, qualities that over time gave way to the more brazen adolescent life in an attempt perhaps to stubbornly search for someone who would take loving care of me given that my father was completely absent physically and spiritually in my life and my mother, although physically present, was even more absent than him.
I was about 12 years old when finally, after more than a year and a half spent wandering around the guesthouses and hotels of Milan near Piazza Lima, my mother found a house in Via Fucini near Piazza Bernini..
(to understand the reason for this troubled period I would have to explain a lot of my life as a child inside and outside the boarding school but since... I prefer not to remember and I will limit myself to recounting this episode).
I was returning home from my mid-afternoon English lesson when I don't know why I didn't take the same route, I usually exited the subway to walk towards Viale Romagna and a little further away near Via Fucini and instead that day I took a wider route perhaps to delay my return as much as possible or perhaps because it had to be that way. , as I walked along the secondary street that leads from Piazza Bernini to Via Fucini, in front of me, further away, were a man and a woman walking along the street, one a few meters apart from the other, as I walked I noticed a homeless man sitting on the edge of the sidewalk at the end of the street, it was strange because he almost seemed dressed up for carnival, he was just the typical old homeless man dressed in dirty clothes that were definitely not his size, I had the whole scene in front of me since I was last in line, when the man passed near the homeless man he stretched out his arm towards him as if asking for charity but the man kept going, then it was the woman's turn (meanwhile my heart was starting to beat fast) and he also stretched out his arm with her but the woman not only kept going but moved even closer to the wall of the adjacent building almost rubbing against it, while watching this scene my heart was beating fast and I thought now it's my turn, I wanted to go back and change the road with my heart pounding and while I was thinking with my heart pounding it came my turn, he stretched out his arm to me too and I stopped.
I couldn't understand anything he was saying, he was mumbling "words".. his arm was still outstretched when I took it helping him to get up., at the time in Piazza Bernini there was a small square that is still there today even if slightly different, there was a newsstand and a bench and that's where I accompanied him, across the road there was a pizzeria and on the opposite side there was the church, he continued to mumble nonsense "words", the whole time I stayed with him I didn't understand anything he was saying, my heart wasn't beating fast anymore and seeing him so bad and old I spontaneously asked him if he was hungry, he was still mumbling so I told him wait here and I'll get you something to eat, I didn't have any money with me but knowing that my mother was in I ran home explaining the situation and unbelievably my mother gave me the money I needed to buy something.
I ran back downstairs thinking "Let's hope he's still there, let's hope he's still there".. and there I found him again.
It was getting dark and I said "Wait here I'll get you a pizza"., I went in and ordered the cheapest pizza, the margherita and a Coke.. (I didn't have much money but it was enough).. 10 minutes letar I came out with the hot pizza., when I handed it to him, he started eating greedily (he must have been really hungry and the pizza really good)., while he was eating, he kept babbling and I didn't understand any of his nonsense babbling.
It was dark by now.. "I have to go".. I told him. "It's late".. but he kept eating and babbling. I said goodbye and he continued eating and babbling.
not a greeting, not a direct look, not a single "word" that I could understand, I went home.
(to be continued InshAllah)
faster than light
This episode reminds me of a verse from the Holy Quran which mentions the patience of those who cannot understand and in fact only those who have experienced it can savor its essence and understanding. This is one of the extraordinary experiences I have had.
It was a period in which loneliness, the uncertainties of life and the trials to which one is subjected hit hard..(I will not explain the reasons because I would have to talk about the extraordinary experiences in the space between the dimensions turned towards evil and as I have already written I want to forget).
I was living alone in an little apartment on the outskirts of Milan when one evening like many others I went to sleep on the double sofa bed.. (I wanted to insert a facsimile photo of the bed just to better understand the scene).. when suddenly I opened my eyes and found myself on the edge of the bed on the opposite side from where I had lain down, everything was normal, the room illuminated by the street light, a semi-darkness from which however you could see the environment, at the moment I didn't understand well but I felt that it wasn't entirely normal so I began to turn my "head" from left to right slowly and I saw the room with all its furniture.. when my gaze reached the far right I was scared really scared because my body was there in bed sleeping but I was on the other side of the bed.. I saw myself there and I wasn't there, when I had this jolt of fear there was as if a crazy suction, as if I had entered a vortex at a crazy speed and It's as if I had traveled millions of kilometers in a fraction of a second at a crazy speed, all with a distance of about a meter between me and my body.. I opened my eyes fully aware of what I had experienced, without knowing how I left my body and how I re-entered it, all completely involuntary.
What I can say is the absolute presence of the senses, even outside my body, I saw, I felt, and I had emotions, amazement and fear. I can't say about touch because even on the edge of the bed I wasn't sitting, I didn't feel any body weight and I didn't feel like I was physically touching anything.
Another extraordinary sensation was that I wasn't breathing, I was alive without breathing.
One regret I have in this and other experiences is that they happen to me suddenly, finding me unprepared and unable to master the situation, savoring its essence only in my memories.
(to be continued InshAllah)
was not my day (thanks to Allah(swt)❤️
The photo isn't the best, but I'm using it to better understand what I went through that spring day.. several years ago., from the photo, you can see my mother's house at the time (she no longer lives there) and the beach where I decided to go one morning at sunrise.
I have so many memories looking at this photo.. (cause my mom after (omissis) decide to go back to live in her birth place).. but most extraordinary was precisely the one I'm about to tell you about.
I decided to take a short vacation and leave Milan behind for a few days and went to Sardinia where my mother and sister still live (we don't have the same father).
Sardinia is a wonderful land and many of its people.
I've always been an early riser, like that day.
It was already light, but the sun had yet to rise over the horizon, so despite my sister and mother who were still dozing, I rushed out the gate of the house.
To my amazement, a dog was sitting in front of me on the other side of the road, which at the time wasn't paved like it is today. I looked at him and said, "What are you doing here all alone?".. then I looked left and right to see if his owner was there.. was undoubtedly alone, a medium-sized, light brown, male dog.
Even as I spoke to him, he sat there looking at me without moving, but as soon as I moved my foot outside the gate, he got up and came over to me. Although I've always been a bit afraid of dogs, especially big ones, this made me feel calm. I started walking down to the beach, about 200 or 300 meters away, and he followed me. He walked here and there, sniffing around, like dogs do, but always at a very close distance from me. I let him follow me, even though I didn't really understand why he was following me and why he was waiting in front of my mother's gate, as if he were waiting for me, knowing I'd come out.
Once we reach the end of the dirt road, we cross the provincial road that leads from Olbia to Golfo Aranci and then down the little road, also dirt, that leads directly to the beach, with him always close to me.
It was beautiful, there was no one except the sun on the horizon, the light murmur of the waves, a spring breeze, beautiful.. when at a certain point from afar I saw 2 large black dogs running towards me barking madly, I froze in fear with my eyes wide open, petrified by terror, when they were a few meters from me, the dog that followed me stood in front of me also barking at these two others, it was an impressive scene because on one hand I was petrified by terror and on the other I observed the scene of an unequal fight 2 against 1 but the strange thing was seeing these two large black and furious dogs afraid of this other dog instead of attacking they retreated and so for some time..
I took courage as I watched to retreat without turning my back and arrive at a wooden house most likely used in the summer to sell ice cream, slowly I got there, the door was closed but suddenly it opened and I entered quickly closing the door, what a fright and fear really, I stood still for a while, then, not hearing the barking anymore, I slowly opened the door, looking left and right out of the corner of my eye. Everything had gone silent again. I opened the door fully and to my surprise the dog who followed me was there on the threshold, sitting as if waiting for me..there was no sign of the other two dogs., as I went out, the dog got up and started following me again, always at my side.. the morning was ruined.. I was still quite dazed by what had happened, so I started back to my mom house, him still with me, following my steps.
I didn't speak and he didn't bark. In silence we walked back arriving at the provincial road, then crossed it and went up the dirt road that leads to my mother's house..when crossed it, the dog no longer followed me and took the provincial road that leads to Golfo Aranci. When I turned around a second time, I couldn't see him again, even though the provincial road is quite long. It was as if he had disappeared from one moment to the next.
(to be continued InshAllah)
No comment
As I wrote previously, when these extraordinary events happen to me in the space between dimensions, they find me completely unprepared and I savour their magnificence only afterwards in my memories, and so, it happened that night too.
I had just gone to bed but the bedroom light was still on because I wanted to read a bit and suddenly I felt an incredible pressure in my body and all over my body, not painful but with a force that I could not resist and that pressed me into the bed, blocking me completely, I could no longer move and while the force pressed me into the bed, voices of "children" began to recite something in words I could not understand, there were many of them and the voices were very high, very high but without the sense of screaming, after a few seconds voices of "adult men" began to recite the same as "children" but it was so strong, so strong that it broke my eardrums without bursting them, a power of voice never heard before, there were many of them and their reciting was neither in my mind nor in the air, I can not find the right definition other than to compare it to the hearing level of dogs, who hear sounds at a certain frequency that we humans do not hear, visually in my mind I saw the scene, as if it were a projection, in the front rows were these "children" and behind a myriad of rows of "men".. all together reciting what I did not understand, I didn't see the image of any of them, I saw as if there was a fogged mirror in front of me.
I was completely out of control of the situation and while I was witnessing it with vision and hearing I tried to move and little by little the grip became less and less strong and I began to move first my arms and then my body, the more I managed to move the more the voices moved away... little by little until they dissolved completely.
I was stunned trying to understand what had happened.. and Allah(swt) knows best.
An extraordinary, extraordinary experience.
(to be continued InshAllah)
No comment
In chronological order, this is the last extraordinary experience I had, which happened to me some time ago.
I have had other less intense but still extraordinary experiences compared to living in the normality of everyday life.
Sandra, who kept me company for 16 years, was still alive. (miss you Sandra 😢)
She used to sleep with me, especially on winter nights, under the blanket wrapped around my arm, and that night, an unforgettable night, she did the same.
We had just gone to bed, the light was off and we were ready to sleep.
I hadn't yet turned onto my right side (it's my favorite sleeping position) and I was with my head resting on the pillow and my eyes closed, a moment of mental relaxation before sleeping.. at a certain point, with my eyes closed, my vision lights up, like when the sun shines on you with your eyes closed.
I open my eyes and above me, at a height almost touching the ceiling and at the height of my feet, I see a bright little cloud, very bright, but it didn't illuminate the room, like a torch or a candle, a lamp, it was very bright without dazzling me and without illuminating around.. I close my eyes and hold Sandra tighter on my arm and whisper, let's calm down Sandra., the light becomes even more intense.. I open my eyes again and the cloud above me begins to change shape, slowly from a uniform cloud it becomes a pair of wings but there were no feathers or anything like that, it was now in the shape of wings with an incredible brightness., I was staring at this image above me, when at a certain point I felt a very strong but painless shock burst into my head, as if this shock wanted to tell me that I was not dreaming, what I was witnessing was pure reality.. the shock lasted a few seconds but enough to leave the memory of its intensity, after which the wings began to change shape to return to being a cloud and in the meantime the brightness became less and less intense until it dissolved together with the cloud.
Everything told is a part of my life in...
"abysses of solitude that hovers between the space of dimensions.."
everything else... evil space dimensions I keep to myself.
I leave to Allah (swt) my absolute sincerity in writing my story.
Salam aleykum (fc)
